Preparation is important when divorcing a narcissist in Arlington Heights, IL, since the divorce is likely to involve emotional manipulation, high levels of conflict, a need for control, and a lack of empathy. An Illinois divorce lawyer can shield you from unnecessary confrontation and protect your rights.
Call The Law Offices of Roger W. Stelk at 847-506-7330 for help with your divorce case.
Challenges of Divorcing a Narcissist in Illinois
Divorce with a narcissist often comes with challenges.
Emotional Manipulation
Narcissistic spouses may use tactics such as gaslighting, smear campaigns, and emotional blackmail to gain or maintain an upper hand and destabilize and control their spouses. Keeping firm emotional boundaries becomes even more important in these cases. Additionally, divorcees can implement the following safeguards against emotional manipulation:
- Narcissists may try to get you involved in arguments. Disengage calmly if they try to provoke you. There is no need to respond to every accusation or insult.
- When you do communicate, think of yourself as a gray rock: uninteresting and emotionally unresponsive. Keep your statements and answers short and non-revealing.
- Avoid defending yourself or offering justifications. No matter what you do, a hallmark of narcissists is to twist explanations to suit their narrative.
- Stick to your script. Know what to say when it comes to finances or child custody schedules, and do not deviate.
- Confide your feelings and frustrations to trusted friends, therapists, or attorneys, not your narcissistic ex.
- Enforce practical consequences. If your ex crosses boundaries, perhaps sending you harassing texts, document them and inform your lawyer or the court.
High Levels of Conflict
Divorcing a narcissist in Arlington Heights may involve excessive motions, constant blaming, refusals to negotiate, and other attempts to manipulate court proceedings. Narcissists might purposefully miss deadlines, refuse to provide documents, request extensions, present themselves as the victim, fabricate stories, or omit key facts to sway the judge in their favor. They may falsely accuse their spouses of child abuse, domestic violence, or parental alienation. Narcissists might manipulate children against you or fight for custody as a way to hurt or control you.
Financial Control
Your narcissist ex may say he or she is broke and beg for money from you. Conversely, your ex might hide assets or otherwise manipulate financial information. However, Illinois follows equitable distribution laws to divide assets fairly in divorce. Identifying and valuing all marital property is important to determine issues such as who gets the house in a divorce.
How to Protect Yourself During a Divorce
According to some studies, as many as 5% of people in the United States have narcissistic personality disorder. This would mean as many as 635,507 people in Illinois might meet the criteria for NPD. Of course, a person can still be narcissistic without an official diagnosis.
To protect yourself, document everything. Keep records, screenshots, and accounts of communications, financial transactions, and incidents. You may need them at some point to counteract false narratives.
Maintain strong boundaries, and keep using the gray rock technique to appear emotionally unresponsive to manipulation. Keep your financial information as secure as possible, and do not take your ex’s word on details in bank statements, tax returns, and property deeds.
Understand how your separation date may impact your divorce. A narcissist may try to make the date of separation much earlier or much later than in reality to suit his or her narrative and hurt you.
Get as much support as possible. Talk with therapists who help people with narcissistic abuse, and seek solidarity from support groups.
Why Hiring a Lawyer Is Crucial When Divorcing a Narcissist in Arlington Heights
Divorce is tricky enough in itself, and divorcing a narcissist adds layers of complexity. An Illinois divorce lawyer should protect your rights, for example, developing a narcissist divorce strategy tailored to your situation, anticipating manipulative tactics, and preparing appropriate responses.
A lawyer identifies and values marital assets for equitable distribution and can serve as an emotional buffer. You can let your divorce lawyer handle stressful interactions, thus reducing direct contact with your narcissistic spouse.
How much does a divorce lawyer cost? In Illinois, an uncontested divorce may run as low as $2,000, but divorce with a narcissist may come with above-average costs. This is especially true if the narcissist prolongs the divorce. The costs for a contested divorce can be as high as $10,000 to $15,000, with much of that money going toward lawyer fees.
Be as honest and upfront as possible with your lawyer. Lawyers are experienced in these situations. They can advocate more effectively if they understand the full picture, including the emotional abuse, gaslighting, and financial manipulation. Divorce is not the time to downplay red flags. Contact us at Stelk Law today if you need help navigating a divorce with a narcissist.
